From Page 178 Of The Doug’s Place Crookbook Of Fiendish Plans

…some tips on screwing with the minds of telemarketers.

Earlier tonight, the phone rang and up comes “unknown name” on the caller ID. The telemarketer thought he was calling the Morris residence. Instead, I make him think he’s calling radio station FM104. The conversation goes something like this…

Doug: (in my best slick-sounding DJ voice) “FM104, you’re caller #10. Who’s this?”

Michael: (the aforementioned telemarketer) “This is Michael calling from…”

Doug: (cutting Michael off at the pass) “Michael, you have a chance to win $10,000 with our mystery song contest. Now, we just played our mystery song. You have 10 seconds, go!”

Michael: (silence…probably thinking “huh?”)

Doug: “C’mon Michael, five seconds. You can do it.”

Michael: (still nothing)

Doug: “Ooohhh, sorry, time’s up. And this was such an easy one, too. The correct answer was ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb’. Oh, Michael, you just blew $10,000. You must feel pretty awful.”

Michael: (*still* nothing)

Doug: “And, uh, I guess you feel stunned. Well, the next time we play our mystery song contest, we’ll have $11,000 in the jackpot here on FM104.” (click!)

Lesson here: Never let the other guy get a word in edgewise. 🙂

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